It will open all the right doors!
When last have you actually heard someone describe another person as being “conceited” or “pompous”? Considering my job forces me to interact with a laundry list of people, none of them stick out as conceited, egotistical or full of themselves. I guess I got stuck with the whiny, needy, unorganised lot. Seriously, where did these people go and what has life done to us that made us lose confidence in who we are. Don’t get me wrong, conceited and arrogant people are annoying but at least they believe in themselves, right?
I feel as though life has become so complicated that we don’t have many people that are left in society that actually feel confident as an individual. Be it at work or home or in relationships, confidence and low self esteem accounts for a large portion of why you feel mentally drained or depressed or anxious. Life has broken us down as people, almost to the extent whereby we feel abit too grateful that we have been dealt a certain hand in life and accept our fate in our crappy jobs or abusive relationships or in our financial difficulties. We are so broken down as individuals that we accept what we get so to speak, and we are okay with the mediocrity that someone else has given us.
We accept the abusive relationship or marriage, because we feel it’s all we deserve. We accept the useless friendships that benefits one person only and we accept the bad working environment, because we think that’s what we deserve and we all we are good for. We accept being the doormat because we honestly believe that, that’s all we will ever be. We accept the intrusive family that tell you how to live your life (urgh) because they are family, and you think that just because Uncle Eddie wants you to stop talking to aunty Linda, that your life will be peachy. We need to stop this crap. It’s not cool. It’s not cute. It’s so 2023 and I’m so over it.
Where are the confident, strong beasts at?? Seriously? Oh wait I forgot I’m interacting with one now- oh that smirk. I love it. Confidence is key- now why did I say that or name this as the title of this blog? It’s simple. Everyone has access to this key but we don’t know how to use it and which lock it’s meant to open. Let me give you an example, how many times have you been told to do a task and due to the inappropriate use of preposterous Oxford English, you instantly feel intimidated or “lost”? You feel as though you don’t even know what the person said or what they even expect of you and end up doubting how to spell your own surname.
Navigating things you don’t understand is simple- just ask the question… “How do I do this task as I do not have knowledge in this regard”. Now what’s the worst that could happen? Admitting you don’t know how to do something opens up the door for you to learn, grow and completely realign your mind to thinking positively. When you feel like you are completely useless- almost like firm cooking potatoes in a curry, you instantly feel defeated and have absolutely no interest in giving this challenge 100% of your attention or enable you to shine like the star you already are. When you lack confidence in anything, be it your appearance, ability to parallel park or even prepare important work presentations- you already go in with a negative approach which WILL result in almost complete failure. Speaking from experience, my low self esteem and lack of self belief has closed many doors in my life, thereby limiting my access to actual greatness out there in this world. My lack of confidence or constant self doubt, spins my cerebral thinking into an anticlockwise motion causing me to make the stupidest mistakes that in hindsight, I would never have made.
It’s the same for you, dear friend. Believing in yourself is the first step to giving yours everything you ever wanted and here’s why. When you believe in yourself, you unlock potential you never knew existed inside that little body of yours and when you adopt a healthy positive mindset- you are able to approach almost any challenge without hesitation. Sure there are days that you need a hand (maybe two) to get things done and hey, that’s okay, it’s part of the learning process of your journey. Before we go ahead and boost egos I want you to understand the difference between being a nauseating know it all and a confident human being. The “know it alls” give people the ick. They are full of themselves and blind to their faults, however a confident person can perform their duties without needing to prove it to any auditor.
Building confidence and improving self esteem is always at the top of my list and is still something I struggle with. Here are some things I picked up along the way:
1. Don’t look to others for validation. Look in the mirror and be at peace with the beautiful creature that you are. Don’t wait for other people to put a golden star on your forehead because this isn’t Grade R and it’s unlikely that people will always acknowledge your hard work or your presence.
2. Work with what you have. There’s only one you, if that’s any consolation. Whatever task is put forth for you to complete, make sure it’s done to the best of your ability.
3. Learn to take constructive criticism without taking things personally. If you are useless at one thing, you will shine in the next. If you receive guidance on your submitted work, follow that guidance and use it as a way to improve yourself.
4. Stop limiting yourself. If you don’t take the chance, you will never know just what you are capable of.
5. Never let anyone else determine your self worth. I mean this. Nobody should ever have that power over you. No relationship is worth the loss of your worth.
6. Lastly… know your worth, plus tax, plus bloody vat!
Ok so by now you get where I’m going with this. Confidence is definitely important if you want to be happy in this life because there are so many people that want to watch you fail- so why give them the satisfaction? You need to learn to love the skin you are in, you need to learn to embrace your odd features and admire the unique, one of a kind features that make you beautiful. You have to build your own self esteem because nobody is going to keep singing your praises to give you a confidence boost and furthermore, the opinions of other mere mortals should never be the bar you compare yourself against.
The day you wake up and feel confident about your day, about your life, about your mind and mentality will be the best day of your life- so my dear friend, what is holding you back? I meet wonderful people every single day (some are quite the trip) nevertheless, there is always something I find within them that I admire. Be it their sense of humour, their confidence, their ability to learn something new or the ability to stop and admire something about someone else. It’s quite beautiful isn’t it? The more positive qualities you notice around you, the more positive you feel.
I will leave you with this. There is no one that is going to be your cheer leader, singing your praises and hoping that you win in this thing called “life” nor will you receive a standing ovation for what you do everyday. You need to be ok with that and not seek validation or “great job” in every aspect of your life. You need to know that you, Alana, are amazing at what you do. You need to realise your worth because nobody will and even if they do- you will come to a point where those compliments mean nothing. Your key is within you. You just need to believe that you can… and you damn well will.
See you soon. 👩🏻💻
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