(Sometimes, some people are walking Error 404s)
So this one’s a difficult one for me because it’s something I always battled with for the longest time. If I consider you as an important person in my life, I will have the annoying trait of taking everything to heart. If you are insignificant- I forget what was said or done about 30 seconds after it happened. Taking things personally can help you (because then you know where you went wrong and improve) or it can harm you (you believe that you are the problem).
Irrespective of the environment or the people I interact with, this particular part of the journey applies to all aspects of my life. I need to learn to take constructive criticism and I need to ignore idiotic people who add zero value to my life. Most of the time, we give our attention to the people that are actually on the last page of our book- they are like number 1000 in your priority ranking, yet some how they have managed to quickly shoot up the order because of something negative that they said about you. Why? Why do they hold that much power?
When you are an overthinker and when you want to be the light of someone’s day or just bring light into their lives, the moment something negative happens, you over analyze and overthink the entire situation. A situation could have not even been about you AT ALL but here we are, little Miss Over Analyzer Universe 2024-you think the worst and take things to heart.
In the kindest way possible, I said to myself that life does not revolve around me. There’s other things happening in so many people’s lives and so many layers to how other people are dealing with their own crap. As a person that’s guilty in the first degree- I take the behaviors of others personally all the time. This leads to me forming this web of delusion of what I did wrong or what did I say to offend that person or why do they dislike me… it has nothing to do with me. I then over apologize and find myself in this cycle of questioning my role in the scenario.
To overcome any kind of confusion I have regarding the situation, I approach the person and I’m upfront about how I feel and that’s how I began to get closure. I suggest you do the same if you are ever in this scenario. Innocently, people that struggle mentally often feel like everything is their fault because we overly critique ourselves. We are our own worst enemy and I honestly think it’s time to change that narrative of our lives. It’s not easy to not take things personally but if you look at your own life- there are times where you may have made someone else feel this way. This is why it’s so important to take the high road and sometimes not say anything unless it’s something kind or constructive.
The reason why I believe I take things personally is because I am a passionate person. I’m passionate about family, friendships, my career and life in general. I always try my best to be the best person to the next and if there is a time where I’m considered a villain in the story- it stabs like a knife. You will always be the villain in someone’s story. That’s never going to change and you shouldn’t waste time proving who you are to anyone. The right people will understand you and the others were never your people.
You will never please everyone- you are not coke (both types) and in your mental health journey its important to always tell yourself that. You are not the whiskey they want- you are the water they need (if you know, you know). You will never be the princess in waiting in everyone’s eyes and sure there are people that don’t like me and I will admit due to my strong personality I have had some really hectic interactions with people within my own family. I don’t regret that- I will not be mistreated.
Each time you take someone’s words to heart, you slowly break your own self esteem and self confidence and the moment this happens, it ripples into modes of anxiety (because you overthink) and a series of depressed spells (because you took their words negatively). It’s a cycle that we slowly need to break.
Here are some ideas of what could help you get out of this ridiculous cycle:
1. In the work environment, remember you are one of many people that the other person interacts with. They may be going through a rough day too so give them some space before asking if you upset them unknowingly
2. With family, ahhh these ones will always be there so don’t take heed. If the relationship is worth sorting out then have the necessary conversation to clear up any misunderstanding.
3. If it’s marriage related- you stuck with this person so also remember that conflict will exist. It’s normal. Talk it through and move forward. This is the most important relationship to put the effort in.
4. If it’s regarding a friendship that went south- people outgrow each other and some friendships are not meant to last forever. The friendships that are meant to last forever will not require any effort at all because these guys love and care for you.
I take almost everything personally and usually I talk about it and get my feelings across in a healthy way so that I am able to clear the air if I was in the wrong. Taking accountability for your own actions is also important. With that said, we live in a fast paced environment everyday and with the current situation in other countries- we have to really ask ourselves if this is something that’s worth being on my mind in the first place. You have to prioritize people in order to know how much of your energy you really want to give them. Do you really want to give a person that is not an active part of your life that much power? At work, is that person really worth the headache considering he has no idea what he is even doing? At home, is it worth the strain of family members you see once every 5 years to make you feel less than the person you are?
It's not.
You will always, and I mean ALWAYS have people that will say horrible things about you and that’s fine. Maybe they met you when you weren’t at your best or maybe they are just the type of people that never understood you. That’s okay. We meet people at different stages of our lives and each person may have their own perception of you. It’s their perception- not your reality. You can’t change how others perceive you however you can change how you interact with people and possibly be more mindful of every person you meet. There are some really mentally exhausted people out there and they have challenges of their own.
The earth does not revolve around me and I will work towards removing myself from situations that should not include me. There are millions of people out there and they all have problems of their own so the next time Jaydon or Clemetine lash out at you, know that they probably forgot about you 5 minutes after that and possibly sent email in all caps to someone else.
Let me know if you can relate..
Here’s to healing!
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