Navigating toxicity in our lives

It’s time for your own “cabinet reshuffle!”

How many times have you second guessed yourself because some drama hungry person made you believe YOU were actually the problem. You actually believe them for a while until some kind soul comes up to you and tell you "No honey, this person is a master manipulater and this has nothing to do with you." Destructive people have this absolutely amazing talent of convincing you that the sky is green and because they are so convincing with their manipulation skills, you'll fall for it like the big old gullible Gooly you are. If there's something that I've learnt in my 30 plus years on this Earth, it's this... you will always be a villain in someone else's story. Another thing, is that "they" will also make you believe that. Yes, nobody is perfect and I'm sure you have some well hidden toxic traits (don't we all). These traits that we possess do not make us immune to also being the cause of certain disruptions in our lives. We are human and we make mistakes. We listen to the kitchen gossip too but usually forget all about it by the time we get into our car (with my attention span its usually 30 seconds until you have completely lost me unless it involves me and has upset me into an oblivion). There's times where people have a full on conversation with me and I'm completely daydreaming (I do this to my poor husband all the time). 

Let me put this into perspective so we don't wallow in self pity forever by complaining about how poorly people may treat us but, also take some time for introspection. There's three sides to every story: your side, their side and the truth. The first step in eliminating toxicity is noticing what you bring to the situation. Nobody is innocent and everyone likes a little bit of scandal every once in a while to keep their blood pumping (don't even try to deny that). It's important for you to evaluate the relationship but not disect it to the point of lunacy. Break down the situation and see where you could have handled something a little differently. This does not change the unhealthy relationship however it helps you to make peace with it and move forward without any regrets. 

If we microscopically look at each scenario, let's take an unhealthy work relationship, we can actually pin point the source (or nucleus) of the problem. Look at what led to that relationship being the way it is right now. It could be a misunderstanding or something taken out of context that some other bored individual played broken telephone and relayed information that was untrue or added trimmings to make the story more "appealing". Remember, work is work. Don't give it too much cerebral attention as you are an employee and the stress and tension lies with the actual money makers, way up the order. If you work for a corporate, don't let your work place be a place of stress, you are replaceable and even though you may feel that lazy co-worker seems to be thriving, don't be fooled. Work toxicity is something you can change and here's how:

1. Do your job, get paid, go home.

2. Don't entertain gossip especially from colleagues younger than you (they are usually the biggest idiots).

3. Remember your bills and why you are there.

4. Focus on your work, give it a 100% and make sure to use every last second of your lunch breaks to de-stress.

5. Don't trust any work colleague because you never know who to trust so trust no-one unless they have proven their trustworthiness to you.

6. Never let anyone get in the way of what you have worked so extremely hard for. Don't just give up because some potato that works with work you is turning everyone against you. Just keep going! You made it this far right?

7. One last thing, whether they talk about you Monday through Friday- you got paid for all those days, so let them talk and make it goooooooooood. 

A little sneaky tactic to find the trouble maker in the situation is to create a rumor about yourself and tell one person. Give it a week and if you haven't heard anyone talking about it, it means that colleague can be trusted. Repeat this immature tactic as many times as you like, it's fun and so humorous when they learn the joke is on them. Work related toxicity accounts for a huge percentage of mentally unfit individuals. The strain of the working environment can be heavy but remember don't let one person or even 2 people have an influence over your day. Sticking to what needs to be done and doing it to the best of your ability is the number one priority for your time at work. Those colleagues can be annoying some where else, just not near your little bubble of good energy.

Navigating unhealthy relationships like friends and family is a little bit trickier and it involves some tact. Here's a few suggestions:

1. If people make you feel uneasy or anxious- you don't have to commit to any event or any dinner. It doesn't matter what the occasion is, if you don't feel comfortable in their presence, just say no or if you want to be nice (unlike me) say you have gastro or that your cat that was recently spayed, gave birth. Be creative with excuses if you really don't have the heart to say no. 

2. If you feel a sense of dread as a looming function is around the corner, make a 30 minute appearance or less and excuse yourself. If people are easily offended (even though they don't really show interest in you) it's okay, they will get over it. 

3. If the gangarenous relationship is irreparable, as an act of your own maturity have the discussion with a neutral member of the family (with the relevant people present is possible) and lay down the law. Be honest and be respectful. Communicate in a healthy way that for the sake of your own well being you will be taking a step back for a while however you still will maintain cordial relationships if you were to bump into them at the store. You can't just push your trolley past them now, can you? You can if you want, we don’t judge. If the relationship in your opinion is causing you more harm than good then its time to have the conversation (if possible) with the people that make you feel like you are walking on eggshells everytime that everyone is together.

4. Taking time for yourself also allows you to properly introspect and look at your own life and where you want to go for your future. It sounds selfish, however, if you don't vote for yourself who will (thanks "E" for that). You have to remember that you have already identified the necrosed people in your life and as tough and cold as it may sound, it's time to bring out the surgical chainsaw. 

5. Listen to your intuition and don't be fooled twice. Toxic people don't share their true pallete of colours easily however when they do reveal your place in their lives, believe them. 

5. Be an Elsa and let that Sh*t go. Just let it go and let them be gone. People that are not going to help you build a snowman in summer are just no fun anyway. 

In order to truly live and enjoy this beautiful thing we call life, we have to make sacrifices and if it means annoying a few along the way, then it sounds like a good deal to me. If I were to describe myself I would most definitely include the word "people pleaser" however as time went on my mental state worsened because all I was doing was making other people happy. That's not the way I am going to live my life, I owe myself alot more. Professionally, personally and mentally, I owe it to myself to live the most peaceful, healthy and happy life possible. I owe myself the opportunity to live my most authentic, beautiful and fulfilling life because what's the point of this life if I don't live that way? 

Choosing to walk away from a toxic environment requires sensitivity especially if it involves family. The decision must be one that you are comfortable with and the decision must ultimately bring you peace. I always believe that the right people will always gravitate towards me when my energy matches theirs. That will always be the case. The people that share your pain and celebrate your success are the ones you need in your corner, the ones gossiping in the corner should stay there... in the corner (or outside the gate of my house-savage). The universe is truly a phenomenal piece of art. How many times have you instantly become friends with someone by mere chance. The moment you clear the bench of all the bench warmers that sit there and critique your life, you will find team players that will become team mates and advocate for you in every challenge. You need people in your life that will stand up in your defense when you are not in the room and people that will also support you when you are in public. I don't know about you, but this life goes beyond mere humans.

More than ever, we need to shift our focus on the Supreme (not the brand guys), I mean God. The times we live in requires divine intervention and a closer connection with nature and spirituality. If you don't believe in God, that's totally ok-you do you, however you may believe in other attributes related to our mental state such as manifesting what you want. Attachment to things and people must be broken. People and things don't last forever. It's this type of attachment (imagine golden strings being tied to your body within each relationship) is the exact cause of your emotions towards them. Due to your attachment, you absorb their negativity and this negativity increases depending on how many life suckers you have around you. Protect your energy. Be careful with your energy and be strict and mindful with who you allow into your energy field. 

How can you manifest what you want when you are surrounded by diseased minds? How can you immerse yourself in light if you are being held down by stupid and insignificant humans? The answer is simple, you can't. You will never be able to live the life you deserve if you continue to accept the negative influences that invade and intrude into your life. If you think about the corporate you work for, there members of superiority that tell you what to do and because you can't be broke you smile and say "ok" and do the most ridiculous tasks. Now shift to your life. You own that. That life you have belongs to YOU fam. You can promote, demote, suspend, hire, fire and recruit as and when you please depending on their performance towards the business of YOUR life. You have the power to prioritize the organization within your life at any time that you feel the need to. You hold the key to the ignition remember? 

If you have any suggestions on how you cleared the bench, pop them in the comments. It might provide some much needed help to us.