Not that "D" you naughty bugger
Depression, anxiety and everything else we don’t want to talk about
Why is it so hard for us to accept that there isn’t something quite right about how we feel either on a daily basis or maybe every other day? We talk about how poorly we earn and vent about how ridiculous some people can behave towards you, however, why don’t we talk about how our mindsets have deteriorated over time?
There has been a surge of mental health discussions (thank you Gen z) but why on God’s green earth are we unable to have the same discussion as 30, 40 and 50 year Olds? Here’s my opinion. So for as long as I can remember I have had an accepting and tolerant approach to almost everything (well until I had a mental out of body breakdown), growing up, we were ingrained with the knowledge passed from our parents and their parents. Don’t get me wrong, our parents lived humble lives yet they were happy.
Why can’t we do the same? It’s because we didn’t even know we are currently, “work in progress” prototypes that dealt with life as it came and settled for whatever came our way, either to be able to be financially dependent or due to other circumstances that forced us to put the strong construction hat on and deal with any mishap head on.
We were unfortunately not able to access information about our mental health in the past and we didn’t even know that our “tiredness” came from a point of mental exhaustion. We went through our 20s, pushing towards a career and working where we could to pay off student debt and by mid 20s felt the need to get our lives on track because our cousin from Johannesburg has his shit together already.
We are now in our 30s, 40s and 50s and we feel the weight creeping heavily on both shoulders as we now navigate family life and aging parents. Although I am guilty of this, I would not have done it differently because at the time , my decisions that I had to make was based on making sure my parents were weaning off their debts and stress. It eventually found its way to me and just like that I experienced panic after panic over the simplest things. As I said in my previous posts ( the post about me) I have this annoying sense of protectiveness towards my father. He is after all the reason I am who I am today. This made me spiral further down the rabbit hole of depression and anxiety and I became the most annoying daughter- the helicopter daughter.
Using the excuse “I’m tired” can just be an excuse to not engage in a conversation and you feel it’s the simplest way to shrug off the next person from making conversation. The term tired usually has an image of an exhausted person that just had the roughest day at work with stains on their uniform and sits down on the couch and doses off after a few minutes. Tiredness in terms of your mental health cannot be seen which is absolutely the biggest downside to this disease. There is no band-aid or stitches that you see on a person to “sympathize” with their pain and there is no crutch to hold them up when they can’t put one foot in front of the next.
It's a disease you will never know someone has until they tell you and most people, would never be able to say it out loud. What I also find disturbing is how people describe a sad situation and use the word “depressed” as an adjective. Depression is NOT an adjective- it’s a disease just like any other and requires years of hard work to navigate. When Covid-19 hit in 2020, everyone wore a mask to prevent further spread, what can we do to prevent further infiltration of depression? There’s no mask for that. I just want to share that I have no shame in posting my story and I don’t expect an ounce of sympathy- depressed people don’t need sympathy, they need empathy.
Being empathetic to a friend or loved one helps because you don’t want a pity party but you just need a shoulder to lean on sometimes. In my journey, I have learnt so much about myself and I have learnt that irrespective of the amount of reassurance you receive, the healing is still up to you. Here are some points that I want you to take away as key points of this post:
1. There is no shame in seeking professional help. Yes it is awkward at first and therapy reopens wounds however, if you feel like you need it- schedule an appointment
2. Learn to stop hating things about yourself. For me I hate my impatient nature however my strong suit is perseverance so pushing for things to happen and being proactive is something I appreciate about myself.
3. Look around and look at what you have already. Be grateful for the humble home or the simplest things nature has to offer.
4. Don’t let this disease dictate your worth or your future. The most critical people out there are the ones that strive for absolute perfection.
5. This is not an easy journey, so one step at a time.
6. Break down what makes you feel the way you feel and eliminate doubts about yourself by focusing on your strengths.
7. Most importantly, embrace the person you are. There is no one out there quite like you.
People don’t talk about depression, albeit, they use it as a word of sadness. It’s not sadness. It’s not even about a situation. It’s your mind believing that you don’t deserve happiness or your insecurities have taken over. Depression is like seeing the cup as half empty and always looking at the worst possible scenario and building a full on mansion based on the crap you fed your mind. It’s your heart telling your brain “you are incapable” so your brain believes it and the cycle continues.
Depression is like waking up in the morning dazed, with absolutely no intention of being happy. Depression is like sitting on a chair and not knowing how time went by or what your family was even talking about. It’s like drowning, convincing yourself you will likely drown until anxiety kicks in and your body goes into karate kid mode and wants to do everything at once.
It's the fight in your brain against your brain. It’s like living a life just for the sake of it and not experiencing life and all its beauty. It’s like living a life constantly questioning if you are a good worker, wife, mother, child or whatever. Its like living a life where you feel guilty to be happy because you feel deep down, it won’t last and that by tomorrow your serotonin will run out. It feels as though you don’t want to get your hopes up about life and this causes you to overthink things that make zero sense to anyone else.
You are going to live like this for as long as you allow it to control you. In absolute honesty, being depressed or living a mediocre life will continue if you entertain it. It will be there like the dirty dishes in the sink and pile up until rot starts to set in. DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN. Look, this is not going to go away overnight but I starts with small things. It starts with how you see yourself in the mirror everyday and how you project that into the universe. If you feel like you are going to have a crap day- you will have a crap day.
There are a lot of people all over the world with this problem but don’t even know it or don’t want to face it. There’s also people that use the word “depression” as an excuse. The excuse for whatever reason that they need to give to society for recognition.
To the people out there that really took the time to read this and can relate I want you to take away some key points to remember:
1. You OWE YOURSELF the best life possible.
2. You are enough.
3. You will overcome this.
4. You can do all these things if you take it one step at a time.
Happiness is around the corner. You just need to look ahead and leave the past in the past. Remember this journey does not resolve overnight. It takes effort and it takes work.
Are you willing to give yourself the life you always wanted? Are you willing to take the step towards happiness and positivity? I know I am.
We assemble at noon.
It’s time to take everything they told us we couldn’t have.
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